About Death
by LeahRoth
Summary: "-What you are seeing are all the tests that I been doing in the pasts months, with several doctors, and all of them arrive to the same conclusion: Cancer." This is a story about dead, what we lose with it, what we gain and the best way to overcome it. Royed.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own Fullmetal alchemist.**

 **Hope you enjoy.**

* * *

 **It started with a favour.**

I still remember how everything started. How my life went, for six months, from mundane to total madness, 24 hours a day, seven days a week, and all because of him.

One day like any other my private phone started to ring, this was very strange giving that only a handful of people knew this number but, for some reason, I didn't though anything of it, to be quite honest my movements in those days were very mechanic, for the most part, I never expected to hear his voice on the other side of the line nor did I expected the proposal that came later.

"Do you have any time to speak with me tomorrow?" He said.

-To be hone…-

"It can be during lunchtime and you don't even need to move, I'll go by your office…"

It wasn't very like him to be so predisposed and his voice sounded different too but, jet again, in those days I was doing everything by the clock.  
I told him that he could come and he said "thank you", then no other sound came from the other side. Now that I think about it I should have seen it coming, but I didn't allow my self a minute, my day continued.

The very next day, just when the clock strike one o'clock and everybody when of to the common hall I saw him standing in front of me, he looked different, taller, certainly more like an adult, after all, two years don't go by for nothing. It was hard for me to hide my content for his presence, the letters that he send me were our only form of communication.

-If is a private matter, close the door…-And he did- You stopped answering my letters.

-Yeah, I know… I was a little occupied in the last few months…-He sat down in front of me, leaving the brown bag that he carried on the side.

-Well Edward, you called me for this meeting, what do you need?

-A favour…well, to be specific is more of an invitation, but a favour on your side.

-A favour? Of what kind?

-A favour involving this…-At the same time that he said this words he picks up his bag and from it he pulls out a white envelope that he hand to me. The envelope contains some blood analysis among other medical test, all things that I didn't understand all that well – What you are seeing are all the tests that I been doing in the pasts months, with several doctors, and all of them arrive to the same conclusion: Cancer.

Let me tell you that there are some sensations that you never forget, no matter how bad you try, one of those is the way your body reacts when you hear something very shocking: Your blood starts to run slow and your throat transforms itself in one big, sharp, knife, carefully cutting everything on its reach.

Needless to say all this translated in a very dark expression on my face.

-N-no…W-wha-…. What do you w-want me t-to do?

-Well, there is where my invitation comes along, I want you to come with me on a little trip.

-A trip? Edward what are you talking about? This is serious!

-And so is my invitation.

-You have to start a treatment for this, not plan an adventure. Have you completely lost your mind?

\- A little but that was never in question, now wasn't? – That little joke wasn't fun in that moment, and is not now either – I'm more lucid than ever before, I have visit three of the best doctors in the country, including Dr. Knox, all of them told me the exact same thing: 15% survival rated to the treatment. Those are not very good odds. They also told me that if I wait a few months to start with the hold circus it doesn't change the outcome all that much so, I decided, that I rather live a little before I subject myself to a chemical death but I need someone to come with me. My brother is not a very good alternative, he got very emotional when I told him my idea, so I started to think in someone more impartial and you came to mind…

-Impartial?

-Yes…you are, in general, colder than my brother.

-Fuck your impartiality! -Now that I remember all of these events, and that I know things that in that moment I didn't, I admit that screaming and making a mess in my own office wasn't the best way to react- And the feelings that I have for you? Those you basically don't care at all…

-No, that is where you are wrong! I care about you bastard, a little too much I will say, that's why I spend months in hospitals trying to be complete sure that this was something that had no other way out but this one. I'm asking you because I know, for a fact, that you wouldn't let me do something like this without you and, also, because I wouldn't forgive myself if I did it with anyone else! What kind of senseless animal do you pin me for?

We remain silent for a few minutes, while we put our emotions in order.

-So then… I just leave my job then? -Right then and there I saw him smiling. This intolerable man had an effect on me.

-I'm sure you can work something out, you are the general after all…-Again, not funny then, not funny now.

\- I nee-

-Sure, think about it, you have a week to give me a definitive answer, literally seven days, after that I'm leaving.

He didn't give me time to replay, not even to react, he was out of the office before that, closing the door behind him without giving me one look, surely he was trying to avoid the familiar faces that might see him. I was left alone, in distress and doubt.

If you are reading this I'm sure that you know my decision by now.  
What can I say? I had to lie a bit in order to get a leave of a few months but he was right, I was not about to let him go around without me. He knew that well.


	2. Chapter 2

**I Don't Own FMA.**

* * *

 **The hair thing.**

Is surprising how certain external aspects of our personalities can built us or give us an image as a person.

When it came to Edward there were so many things that came to mind but one of the most powerful ones was his long blonde hair, in every single memory I had of him he had either a braid or a long ponytail, call it fashion, liking, rebellion(?), as you please, but his hair, at least for me, had become part of that person known as the Fullmetal Alchemist, that's why it took me by great surprise when, two days before the trip started, he came by my house and with a very determined face told me:

"I'm cutting my hair!"

Trying to hide the fact that I had mixed feelings about the hold deal was my fines acting performance to date, I swear that all the news been given in a matter of days were getting the best out of me. When he told me that it was for a good cause I never imagined how it all was going to end.

We went together to a hairdresser nearby where he carefully explained what he wanted and how it had to be done. The woman holding the scissors looked as confused as I was at that moment, but seem re insure when he told her that he needed to keep the hair in the best shape possible. Apparently they were speaking a language that I was not fluent in.

In a matter of minutes the scissors took away the ponytail and so it was the old image of Edward Elric. The blonde ponytail was placed in the table right next to them while the young woman worked in the style of the remaining hair and, I most admit, he didn't look all that bad. Hell, he even looked better, but, yet again, that is just my opinion.

With the hair cut done we waited a few minutes for the woman to come back with the ponytail clean and sealed tight.

-So where are we going now?- He just smiled.

It wasn't until we got to Central Hospital that I understood why the "good cause" part.

In the oncology are of the hospital I met Lina, a little ten-year old girl that had spent a considerable amount of time fighting a very strong type of stomach cancer, her hair had disappeared a long time ago thanks to all the treatments and she was very tired of wearing those hats and bandanas every day.  
It was touching, to say the least, to see the reaction of pure happiness in Lina's face when Edward present her with the hair that used to be his, ready to become a wig. The mother cried for the gesture while the rest of the people present in the room just clapped.

It's surprising how wrong one can be sometimes, connecting aspects with persons that, after much deliberation, are just circumstantial. Maybe that's why we make wrong assumptions about people, because the true nature of our personalities lays beneath our actions. The truth was that Edward wouldn't be Edward without that constant and, sometimes, stressful necessity of doing things for others.

He was the blinding and maddening kindness.


	3. Chapter 3

**I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist**

* * *

 **To the ocean… (AKA: Jumping from high rocks and overcoming fears.)**

And so the adventure started.

For some reason the first place we ended up going to be going was the fucking beach, of all the places in the world this insufferable man decided to make the coast his first place to rest.

Edward got a hold of a little shack just in front of the beach, quite idyllic if I do say so myself; we were very far away from the rest of the houses in the centre of the town, in other words, we were completely alone in that part of the beach.  
We arrived a couple hours after the mid day, giving that the place was a little too hard to find, and the first thing that Edward did was to take of his shoes and go near the water while I checked around the house. It wasn't all that big but it was fine for the both of us and considering the amount of time we were to stay the shack served the purpose of being a "resting" place. And suddenly I saw him.

From the window of one of the rooms I saw the expression of otter bliss in Edward's face, his eyes shot against the powerful wind, his feet touching the water, everything seem too good to be truth, just for one minute it seemed that he was OK, that he was no longer sick. But, again, that was for just a minute.

-Happy? – With the sound of my voice he turned his head slowly and smile.

-Very…

-May I ask… Why did you decide to come here, of all places? – He then turned his head the other way, looking at the ocean.

-I don't know… maybe because many of the happiest memories in my childhood took place near the ocean… or maybe I just like the sea and I never really had the time before to spend some time here… It could be either one… - By this point I was standing behind him, near enough to hear him.

-I like the ocean too… is just that I hate the water…

-I know – And with that he looked at me again… – But we all have to face our fears someday, bastard – And grabbed my hand pulling me near the water.

I want to be clear on something: My hatred of water does not come from not knowing how to swim, I know that very well, is just that I don't like it. I can take showers but I don't like the idea of being under the rain or in the ocean.

OK, back to the story.

By that moment I was fighting, hard, against the strength of this man, for some reason I thought he will be wicker but of course he wasn't (Proof that Edward Elric will always be the gift that keeps on giving), our legs were socked by water and soon enough both of us are falling, with the waves hitting our backs, he was laughing and I… I was not.

-See? You are fine, very much wet but fine, and that's what matters – For some reason in that moment the only thing I could see was how happy he was with my situation and, despite who much that infuriated me, all that I did was smile back.

We walk back to the shack were, for the longest time yet, we just stared at our clothes drying, worlds of fun I know, but it was just that I had so many things to say and no way to say them, for the first time in my life I was left speechless and it seems that for Edward that was just fine.

-So… Do you have any other fears Roy?

I laugh

– Why don't we focus in you for a change, have any fear that you want to over come?

-Well… we are trying to over come one as we speak, with this hold trip I mean… - See, this is the reason why the saying: "If you don't have something nice to say don't say anything at all" exist. – But yeah…there is one that you could help me get over…

\- Please, do elaborate…

-I guess there is no point on hiding it now… I'm afraid of heights – And for some reason that I still can't understand I just stared at him with this dubious look on my face; maybe it was because I thought that he was being funny. I mean, wouldn't you think the same? The man that, for most of his life, was very short is afraid of heights, sounds like a joke to me – Don't look at me like that, is the truth, I'm actually more afraid of falling that being on a really high plac-…STOP staring at me like THAT

-I apologize… But how do you propose you are going to over come that… - Before I finish that sentence it became very clear to me how he or, I should say, we were going to do that.

A couple of hours later, and a little more prepared for the action, WE were standing on top of a very high rock which had a very high drop to the ocean, neither of us knew how high it was (Later in that week we find out and people in the town called us crazy for jumping from there) but maybe that was just for the best, it seemed that as soon as we set foot on the stone Edward started having second thoughts, I could see it in his eyes, every time he looked forward to the fall it has liked he couldn't breathe.

-Hey… You can do this – Saying that I hold his hand which he held back and took a deep breath.

-You are right, I'm going to die anyway so this doesn't make any difference – Not funny then, not funny now.

After that we started to run and in the edge we jump to the void and the sea whom received us with a cold hug. By the time we met at the top the only thing we could do was laugh while trying to stay at float. We didn't say anything, there was no need, we were speechless and it was fine for us.


	4. Chapter 4

I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist.

* * *

 **We dance. (Like idiots)**

Have you ever felt ashamed? Have you ever been in one of those situations where you feel everybody is staring at you, where everything goes silent, and the only thing you can hear is a little voice in your head that asks: Why did you say/do that?

Well in my case I have never been the person that is predisposed to felling "shame" for my actions, but I do remember one moment I really felt that way. It was during my training in the military, back when I was younger and a little more stupid, I said something about our commanding officer without realizing he was behind me (Something along the lines of him being a cheeky cunt), needless to say not only I felt ashamed but I had to sleep in the training court for a month and most of the other soldiers laugh at me.

In other words… Have you ever felt that your actions make you want to hide? Yes, I had, but apparently Edward hasn't and that's one of the things that I love about him. He is always so unapologetic him that sometimes I envy his way of being.

Case in point: During our second week on the coast we were walking down the centre of the town, buying things and looking around the different people that were there, many on holidays, others taking advantage of the tourists and the money they brought, everything seemed very much alive in that part of the beach (because in our corner everything was silent) and then we saw something unexpected.

Apparently the governors daughter had just got married and he decided that it will be better to have a party were the hold town could have fun rather than one were only a select few could come in, the bride did not look very happy about it, or at least that was what everyone was saying but non the less every person in town was enjoying the party.

So why not we?

Edward started to talk with some waitresses and the uninvited people while I just watch and, all of a sudden, the band started to play.

-Hey! – He yelled at me – Do you dance?

-Dance? – It seemed to me that the answer was pretty much clear. I know how to dance some… things but dancing is not one of those things that I enjoy doing.

-Yeah, you know, moving around with music play—

-I know what dancing is Edward…

-So do you? – For a minute I looked around at the people that were dancing and I pay attention to the music, I didn't know what any of this was. How can you dance to something that you don't know.

-No, not this…

-Oh come on! Is not that hard, you just have to move – Edward grabbed my arm and drag me along with the rest of the uninvited, all of them were dancing in the same way, us were just moving, trying to follow the beat of the band, there were no steps, no defined moves, just the two of us trying to make out some sense to what we were doing and even thou I thought that the hold situation was going to be embarrassing, it wasn't at all, not because I felt good but just because I didn't care about the others in the party.

Edward told me later that day that he was surprise with my actions, he told me that I was being more amenable than usual and to that I just laugh.  
I had said it before and I will say it again: This man has a weird effect on my and I think he is starting to notice that.


	5. Chapter 5

**I do not own fullmetal alchemist**

* * *

 **A promise about injustice.**

Now… with all of this that I have been narrating some people would think that we had a grand time during our stay on the beach and they will be right…, most of the time that is.

For the most part we spend our days just talking or walking, or reading, and so on, but there were some days that were not all that calm and fun, those were the times were I got to witness just how bad Edward really was. Somedays he was just tired, so he wouldn't get out of bed, some others he felt nauseated and, for that, he couldn't move all that much, in general the ailments wouldn't last as much as one would expect but there was this one time when he had an episode and I force him to go to the nearest hospital, the very next day, for his own sake (To be quite honest I was actually really scared), for this reason we shorten our stay in the coast (We were meant to stay a month and a half, but we just stay a month and a week or so).

This day started out fine. I got up first, like most times, and I check on him to see if he was well which he was, he was fast sleep, I went to the kitchen, made some coffee, read a book, and as the hours passed I started to wonder if he was feeling ill, after all it was eleven am.

When I check on him I realize that he was awake, but just not moving.

-Edward?... – I touch his forehead and felt no fever, not one noticeable at least

– Are you feeling nausea again?

-No, not really… or maybe yes but… I just feel that I shouldn't stand up just yet…

-Is something wrong?

-I don't know OK… I can't move… I shouldn't move… not now – And there was the mood again, the attitude that he will always get when we was, in fact, felling poorly.

-Edward you do know that I'm here to be your good common sense, right? If there is anything that I can do you ne –

-If you think that's the reason why I brought you here with me then you are seriously full of shit! – And then he started to cough. His defences were really down, he could have got a cold or something like that, proof that he was not fine.

-The way you are acting tells me that you are not "OK"…

-I'm… Fine… Leave… Now – After the last word he continued to cough until he was out of breath, every time he would try to re compose his throat made a very strange whistling sound, he got up quickly and run to the toilet with the little balance that he had, and then he locked himself in there.

-EDWARD! – All that I could hear was the sound of his cough and some water running, this when on for minutes, if not for a quarter of an hour, where I just kept bagging on the door, demanding an answer until he suddenly opened it. His face was pale and his eyes were red, it seemed like he had been struggling just a while back. – Please, just… Let me help you…

-Roy… I need to be alone for a minute, please…

That time, against my better judgement, a let him have his way. I watch him as he got back in to his bed, trying to get some sleep, some much-needed rest.

I got out the house and I sat down on the beach away from all that situation, I wanted to scream, to cry, to pack all my things and go back to my work, to my life, to my monotonic routine but I couldn't, those were not options by now.

I wanted to get close to him but, once again, I couldn't, and for several reasons, one of them being that he didn't want me there, by his side, and the other, and maybe the most important one, was that I didn't want to get to attached.  
How can you allow yourself to love somebody whom you know will die? Sooner rather than later for all that matters. And those are the times I start to think that maybe he will be part of that 15%, maybe he will survive to the treatment, but I can't allow myself those thoughts because then I will get hopeful, and that kind of expectation will surely be my ruin.

Now my problem is different: I already love him. So I will commit myself to be by his side, whether he likes it or not, until the end. No matter who it looks like.  
-Roy?... – There he was again, pale face, tired eyes, legs hardly holding him in place.

-Sit down…

-I-I… I'm sorry I-

-You don't have to say anything Edward, is alright…

-No, you don't understand, is not that I feel sick, or I'm in pain, I'm used to that by now, is that every time I feel like this it makes me less hopeful, less strong, and it makes me angry that I'm the one in these conditions and not any other man or woman who has done some wrong in this world. Now I'm not trying to say that I'm a saint, maybe I'm paying for my sins whit this, but why only me… Why now, why not later… Why when I'm just starting to live and… Why when I need more time… Maybe I'm loosing my mind but… I will love to see something rightly done for ones… While I'm still alive- And during the time that he said this words I just hold him close, trying not to lose my composure with this hold confession.

Some day I will do right by him, so that his pain is, somewhat, justified.


	6. Chapter 6

**I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist.**

* * *

 **The view from the devil's eyes.**

The second part of this adventure started not so good, I'm afraid. After having that episode Edward remained with a sick expression on his face for the rest of the day, I tried to stay calm, I really did, but when the night came and he started to cough again (and this time blood came out of his mouth) I called quits. I got a hold of a car and packed everything as quickly as I could, all against Ed's will but I didn't listen, I had to take him to a hospital and that was it.

Three hours into the night at the highest speed I ever drove in my life but we made it to the General East hospital. Edward was admitted just minutes after I explained the extent of his condition to the doctors and then… I waited.

And waited.

And waited. I must have fallen asleep in the waiting room because the next thing I remember is that one of the doctors woke me up.

-Excuse me… Mister Mustang?

-Ye-es…

-I'm Doctor Olympia Black, I admitted your partner a couple of hours ago…

-Oh, he is not… never mind, how is he?

-Fine, please follow me, I will take you to him…

-Has the cancer made any progress?

-In all honesty and with pleasure I can tell you that no, it hasn't, what mister Elric is experiencing now are some of the many side effects of the type of tumour on his body, I'm afraid there is not much that we can do side from keeping him here one more day, just to be sure that he is stable, and give you some advice on how to take care of him in case this or any other type of episode happen again – She looked at me expecting an affirmative – Well, his body will become very weak as the time goes on so I advise you to keep an eye on him, don't let him engage in very strenuous activities or any other thing that will make him tired, also try to avoid the cold, his immune system is on the low for now, if you must always keep him warm… I will tell you more later, now I'm sure you would like to see him… - The door in front of us slowly opened.

Edward was there, awake, talking calmly to the nurse that was writing his vitals down, he looked well enough. It became very noticeable that we were in the room when the nurse greeted the doctor, Edward just smiled.

-There you are, I was wondering if you left me… - Before I got a chance to reply Doctor Black took my place.

-Edward… We are going to keep you here one more day, just for your health, then you will be free to go back to your little dead trip, does that sound OK? – The expression on his face was all that the doctor needed to let a little laugh loose.

-Perfect, no problem…

-Well, we are going to give you two some time alone… - Doctor Black took the clip board and follow the nurse out the door.  
The silence that formed in the room was new and pleasant, Edward watched every move I made until I sat down near the top of the bed, only then I fell well enough to speak.

-How are you felling?

-Much better to be honest, that odd felling I had yesterday morning was the problem, Olympia said that I had an obstruction in my right lung and that was causing the cough and the other symptoms, but that's all gone now…

-I'm glad… Look, I'm sorry for the way I acted before I brought you here, for a minute I thought that you were running out of air and I didn't know what to do…

-It's fine Mustang, really, just… Don't leave my like that again… Please – It seems confusing to me now why but, in that moment, I didn't understand what he meant with "again". It was very obvious that he was talking about the moment when the doctors took him away, but, then again, it couldn't just go behind him after one of the nurses scream: "Out of the way!".

Knowing that the doctor will take good care of him was enough for me… I'm a General in the military, not an M.D after all, never the less I wanted to go… Sometimes we need to step a side.

-Don't worry… It won't happen again… - Edward smiled while he lean back against the pillow, closing his eyes. We both got to rest a little that day, perhaps it was just as well, this was just a little pull back in our trip. The next day came and we said goodbye to Dr. Black an all his recommendation.

The next stop was the mountain district.

I have seen much of this nation, not to brag, but the one place I never got to spend all that much time in was the mountain region, it's a very beautiful place, no doubt, with a combination of green forest and valleys of multicolour rocks, that was where we were going: The valley of the deaths.

The story tells that during the nights the most powerful demons of the underworld come up to the valley looking for souls to eat. It is said that if a demon attacks you then you will spend the rest of your days in between the rocks, looking for your soul. But those are just silly superstitions. Edward was particularly excited to see the valley of the death from above, a cliff view called "The devil's eyes", and me being the pleasing man that I am, I just said yes when he proclaimed that we were going up. And by Truth was I wrong saying that.

-The devils eyes sits on top of the Belial mountain, the only way to get there is by foot and it takes about four hours, two of those are easy, just the last ones are a little more pitched. Ones you get to the top you can see the cliff, you will find a mountain shelter where you can stay for as long as you want. The only thing that we ask from the hiker is to inform the rangers when you go up and when you get down, that's it… - The young, smiling, teenage girl in front of us was talking her life away while Edward listen carefully. I just cursed my luck, how was I going to endure three hours of walking with a very weak men by my side?

At the moment all that I could think was that I knew that the hiking trip was a bad idea, but I follow along any way, a part of my wanted to see if the view from the cliff was as beautiful as everybody said.

We settle in a little hotel just under one of the many mountains in the city, not for comfort, we just needed a place where we could keep our things safe before going up the trail the very next day.

-I have an idea… - Oh, those words are never far away from something lunatic.

-I'm listening…

-What if we just go up now?... To the devils eyes that is…

-I don't really think that's a good idea Edward.

-Oh! Come on Mustang, live a little…

-Sure Edward, those are the exact words to convince me…

-Don't be such a kill joy…

-No Edward, this is were a draw the line, you just got out of the hospital, I know you want to live but not for that I'm gonna put you in danger, that's it, no more discussion, we will leave tomorrow…

-Can you stop giving me orders? It's not like I'm forcing you to go up there with me!

\- Well… It's a little too late to tell me that, don't you think?

-You know what? Fuck off, I'm going out…  
The door slammed behind him, leaving me alone with the mixed felling of anger and exhaustion, I could have chased after him but I was not about to cause a scene, I knew he was not going to go to the mountain. We both needed a few minutes to lose some stem.

It was the middle of the afternoon when Edward left and the night started to fall when he came back.

I didn't really hear when he opened the door, neither did I sense him walking across the room towards the balcony where I was standing, staring at the great giant before me, I felt his hand slide across my back, holding me close to him, I could fell his breathing, his hearth. I was slowly melting in his arms when I turned around and returned the gesture, golden eyes looking back at me, voice softly whispering: "I'm an idiot… I didn't mean what I said…", and then his face hiding on my chest.

The next morning came and we didn't say anything about last night, by one o'clock we were on our way to the devils eyes. Just like the young girl had told us the first part of the trail was fairly manageable, the trees gave us some shade so we kept cool, non the less I made Edward take several breaks along the way just to be sure he wasn't pushing himself too much, some of those times he yelled at me, others he remained in silence knowing that he needed that time; because of all this it took us around three hours to get to the complicated part. And complicated it was.

The signal trail was more pitched than anticipated and that prove to be a problem by the first hour when Edward's legs became weak, his steps were slower and less firm, his lungs were clearly not prepared for such a quest so I took a quick decision: Even if it took me longer I will carry him the rest of the way. Edward had a million thing to say and protest, he moved and moved but I didn't put him down, after a couple of minutes he gave up and I continued. The last thirty minutes were the hardest, I trip several times, I think I even cut my leg falling over a rock but I paid no mind to that when I saw the end so near.  
The sun was beginning to set when we reach the top. I was starting to lose myself for the lack of oxygen when Edward call my attention to what we had in front of us, the rocks of the mountains in the valley were shinning in an array of different colours thanks to the sunset, even the water of the river underneath looked more vivid, soon the minerals in the boulders started to change the initial colours and all that continued as the sun disappear in the west.  
Edward was right, it was worth the four or more hours of walking. The mountain shelter awaited us… and this time Edward had to carry me.


	7. Chapter 7

We are approaching the end of this story. Next chapters will come more slowly though, I have classes to teach and papers to deliver.

A very big "Thank you" to everyone who gave this story a chance.

 **I dont own Fullmetal Alchemist...**

* * *

 **Understanding.**

A week and a few days passed before we decided to get down from the mountain; it wasn't only the beauty of the place that kept us there, it was also the peace of the shelter (for some reason there was only one group of three people besides us) and the fresh air that prove to be really good for Edwards health. The "getting down" from the mountain walking was much more easy for the two of us and at the end of the trail a mix felling strike me, I was going to miss that place more that I would like to confess.

We remained in the district for a couple more weeks enjoying the many forests it had for walking and the city in general, the people were genuinely kind and welcoming, it was a pleasure to go out every day to find a new place where you could just be, for hours, and not feel the weight of time and responsibility over your shoulders. One day, however, made the difference in my mind.  
We went to the Lilith park, it was a little far away from the centre of the city but it was worth the train ride, Edward was particularly excited to go because that day the authorities of the place had organized a book fair (or something like that, to be complete honest I'm not a hundred percent sure); I walked by his side for a few minutes and then I sat on a bench, nothing out of the ordinary.

-How much time does he have? – By my side there was a young woman, in her mid twenties if I were to guess, she wasn't looking at me but to the people walking around, like she didn't want to be notice.

-I'm sorry…?

-Your blonde… friend, How much time does he have left? – The hold situation was very strange, it still is now that I remember, my own intuition told me that these women knew too much for a regular civilian, after all I've trained for most of my life to see shifty attitudes in everybody.

-I don't know what type of information you are managing but it's non of your concern… - She just laugh, which did nothing but irritate me even further.

-Don't be so paranoic, look…- And she pointed to a younger girl walking in the fair – That's my little sister, that's the reason "why" I'm here, we lost our mother to cancer last year, liver and stomach, and your friend over there looks just like her in the better days that she had, before she knew, so I'm asking you… How much time does he have left? – Well… sometimes my intuition is terrible… just sometimes, never the less I still didn't trust her.

-Well… I'm not exactly sure…

-How come?

-I know what type of cancer he has but he has not been treated just yet… He decided to go in a little adventure before starting the hold thing and… I'm coming along – This time she remained silent, smiling in a very endearing manner.

-That's very good, it's just what my mother would have done… - Her eyes now were focus on Edward – A word of advice… Try to enjoy your time with him right now, because after the therapy set's in nothing is ever the same… And don't leave anything unsaid, the regret will kill you if you do; there are some many things I wish I told to my mother, some very simple others more profound, but now… now I can only talk to a very cold tomb stone – And then at me – He looks like a nice man, I hope everything turns out right, but in case it doesn't… I wish you strength because the toughest road ahead is the life after the flat line – Then she gave me a very sad smile, stud up and walk towards her sister. I looked at Ed, peacefully walking across the many stands, holding a couple of books on his arms and for a minute a knot form in the bottom of my stomach, is horrid to realise that because of your many fears you've been losing very time.  
The rest of the afternoon Edward talk and talk about the books that he found, how inexpensive they were, how rare it was to find them here, and like that he went on and on while I pretended to listen carefully when I was actually thinking on how to face the one question on my mind. This is very odd to admit, considering what happened after, but I was really nerves about it.

-You are very silent… Is there something bothering you? – We were entering the almost empty train station when Edward face me.

-Yes… You could say that… To be honest there is something I would like to ask you.

-Please, go ahead.

-I want you to answer truthfully, no matter what, OK?

-I always do that Mustang but, OK… - Breath Roy, keep it together, you got this.

-I think is quite obvious by now that I have some feelings for you and, well, I was wondering if you shared… them… for me… - And then he just stared, no expression, only silence.

-You are not joking, right? – Nope – Yes, of course I do you blind bastard, I never expected you to be this naive… But yes, the truthful answer is yes – This reply is the definition of mixed feelings, but I was prepared for it, I mean... this is Edward Elric we are talking about.

-Perfect, so all of this, the travelling I mean, has a—

-An alternative motive? Yes it does, but I can't tell you about it no-... – I had to cut his words before he finished; the train announced itself far away but the time didn't move a second. I had him between my arms, his lips against mine, his hands on my hair and a world around to which we paid no fucking mind.


	8. Chapter 8

**I dont own Fullmetal Alchemist.**

* * *

 **Giving something's back.**

Our next and final stop was Resembool, and that didn't take me by surprise at all.

The weeks before we left the mountain district, however, were better than I expected, Ed had finally loosened up to me and was acting in a very different way. He was smiling more, I promise that waking up by his side was like having a bit of the sun right next to your face, every time we were out he will find a way to make me laugh or just simply enjoy his company, he will let me touch him in ways I thought I never get to do. I swear that there was a solid week were we couldn't stay of from each other, let alone from the room we were paying for.  
But then the final days in the region started to arrived and he started to close again, slowly but surely.

I'm not completely de voided of knowledge, I mean I know the guy since he was a kid (Now that I write this I'm realising how creepy that sounds), I could tell that the pure idea of seen his brother again made him sad, after all, this (Alphonse) was the same young man he had fight for most of his life and now the fighter was the one stepping out of the ring. I didn't want to irritate him so I just let him be, approaching him only when we will let me and then stepping a side. He was still smiling at me every time I touch him, so that was a good thing.  
Jet, departure day came and we found ourself on the train station, silently waiting, him standing up and me sitting back with the suitcase under my feet. All of his body language screamed "Nervous", like he was going to make a round for the mountains or something in that realm of options.

-Roy…? – His voice jolted me out of my thoughts, forcing me to come forward.

-Yes? – Standing next to him, looking at his face I could tell that I was wrong, he was not nervous, he was terrified – Ed?

-Do you think that Al hates me? –In his eyes I saw something more, I cry for help, and as the train made it's way to the station I just hugged him as tight as a could, gesture that he replayed.

We sat down inside the train, Edward resting by my side with his head on my shoulder, his eyes were closed.

-As a replay to your question can I ask you something back?- Ed's head lifted and turned to me, nodding after – Do you think that I hate you in any way? – He denied with his head – Then that's you answer genius – And quickly, before we could replay, I sealed his lips with mine, softly, trying really hard not to go over the limit of prudence. Ed smile back at me, caressing one of my cheeks with his hand.

I know now how to tame this kid.

The rest of the, very long, ride Edward try to explain to me why those thoughts were crossing his mind and, to be honest, it was actually not that crazy to have that impression. Alphonse had been very adamant to his brother when he told him that, and I quote: "You are completely insane if you think I'm going to let you kill yourself and be happy about it". I remember that he contact me a little after I had accepted Ed's offer and try, in a million different ways, to convince me to not let him travel in his condition, after he heard that I was going to go with him he, in lack of better terms, told me to go straight to hell. Good thing I'm not religious.

After having this conversation Ed try to get some sleep by resting his head on my lap while I wondered if we were going to get killed very soon or not.  
The train stopped and we got down, no people around but us, Edward grabbed my hand and started to walk, slowly, trying, I think, to take in the surroundings that he knew very well, Resembool was an Edenic place to live, that was for sure, but before I could even pay attention to the surrounding fields I notice the brand new house that was placed in the same spot of the old Elric household and Ed notice that.

-We built it a little after we came back…before I started to feel like hell- And he holds my hand even harder.

-It's beautiful, but it looks a little tilted to the left…

-What?

-Tilted… The house looks tilted…- And then he stopped and looked the way I was pointing - See? – I was joking but he bough it any way.

-You little…! – Hit in the head – You are lucky I like you as much as I do!

-I know I am.

Soon we made it to the house, a knock on the wooded entrance send a million shivers down my spine. Alphonse opened the door a minute later and the surprise could not be contained by his face as he looked at his brother and then at me and then back to his brother.

-Hello Al, sorry to come by unannounced…-The silence was painful, it looked like Alphonse couldn't understand what was happening, so much so that he just hugged his brother and started to cry, tears falling slowly down his face, while Ed did everything he could just to contain him. I watched stunned by the reaction but at the same time by the way Edward just took all the pain of having the one thing he loved the most collapsing in his arms.

For some reason I knew that I needed to leave them alone, so after we got to place our things inside the living room I stepped out of the house without telling anyone. From that hill alone I could see the entire town, there most be a place where I could go, however, all my thoughts where whipped with one looked at the Rockbell girl gesturing me from her house. Apparently I had where to go.

-Miss Rockbell…

-Welcome Mister Mustang…- A simple hand shake was enough for introduction

– I can see you brought Ed back home – I nodded – Thank you, Al has been devastated without not knowing anything about him, I have my work but he just keeps obsessing with this research that he has, I don't really think that he is sleeping…

-I'm sorry about this hold situation…

-Why? With all do respect Sir but you are not the one dying…-The expression on Rockbell's face was very dark, like she wanted to kill someone.

-You seem very OK with that…

-Well… I have experience with this hold "People I love dying" thing you know… Never the less I wanted to thank you sir, you made a dying man wish came true and that's very good.

-Well… I don't consider myself to be better than any of you for this hold trip if that's what you are trying to say…

-It's not that Sir, I mean that, if it wasn't for you Ed would have probably not made the trip – I stared at her as she did the same – You love him don't you?

-Well…

-Don't get me wrong Sir, is not my intention to know personal things, it's just that I know Ed, I knew he was… well gay way before Al did, I just want him to be as happy as he can before the treatment starts, if possible I want him to die of happiness – She smiled at me with a very sad expression, she was not lying, she was very good at letting people go.

The way in that she continued talking made me feel as if she was giving me directions, tips and tricks to make her friend happy, it was very disturbing but very endearing at the same time; Edward did have the best friend and brother in that town, the sheer idea of taking him back to central just to get treated made me feel almost guilty. If there was something I could do to return some time to this trio it was, maybe, use all my connections. Hoping that will work.  
The afternoon was coming to an end when Miss Rockbell and I made our way to the Elric house just to found Alphonse by himself, cleaning and moving things around the house, he pointed in a direction inside the hall's which I followed and lead me to a bedroom; there was Ed, sitting looking at the door opening with me on the other side, he smiled as I closed the door behind me.

-Where were you?

-Talking to your friend Winry…- He just stared as I stood in front of him, he looked up at me with a funny expression.

-Are you OK? She didn't hit you or something like that, right? – My hands went to his hair, to his face, he closed his eyes allowing the feeling to last longer before I kissed him. The kiss started small and increased with the seconds, our mouths opened, my weight pushing him to his back until I was on top, one knee by the side of his body and my arms framing the rest. Soon the air was gone and we pull apart, his eyes locked in mine, the time was not moving – What it's up with you?

\- I love you… - For a minute he just looked at me and then… there it was, the distinctive fire on his eyes.

-I love you to bastard…

If there was someone dying of happiness it was going to be me. I would rather die with this felling before it goes away.


	9. Chapter 9

**Hello... Yes, I know, it's been a very long time since I posted. My apologies.**

 **I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist.**

* * *

 **The last mile.**

So… you might be wondering: What is the upside of knowing the person you love have the same feelings for you? Some might argue that the sex is the best part and, don't let me lie to you, is fantastic (although I have to admit that the presence of Alphonse in the house has made things difficult for us, but, is not impossible); like I was saying: The sex is good, but, on the other hand, for me the upside of loving Edward Elric is getting to know a side of him that I never expected to see on it's fullest splendor. The loving Edward, the caring, the spontaneous, the sweet, not the Fullmetal Alchemist, not the "hero of the people", but a hold different person that, for a moment every day, I thought it was all mine.

The downside? The imminent dead, or just the knowledge of it. That fearing moment of clarity that comes after the bliss, the chill of the silence after a kiss, or that hearth breaking silence during the night after a great day. The idea of death, that was the worst.

Non the less we didn't let it (or at least we tried) bother us. Not until the last day that was.

Days turned into weeks and a couple of those past like lighting, full hours of the three friends just bonding and me watching from far away. I was not about to get greedy, they had the days, the nights were mine.

(I'm hinting at it too much, right? I'm sorry if it makes you uncomfortable, is just that for these moments I had the time of my life with that kid. I know they say that a gentleman never kisses and tells, but then again I never said I was one. OK I'm getting sidetracked here, back to the point of the last days.)

It was a Monday, It was early, very early, and as always I was awake. We were in bed, Edward's head resting on my chest, eyes gently closed, calmly breathing, I enjoy seeing him this way and the quiet country outside made everything that much more peaceful.

But then… the house phone rang.

It was strange to say the least to receive a phone call that early in the morning and the worst of all was that I couldn't move; Ed had a very heavy sleep so he didn't wake up with the sound of the ringing but I knew he would do it if I moved.  
Soon I heard Alphonse moving around the house, talking to someone, and then the moving around again. I knew he was coming our way.

A knock on the door.

-Brother? Are you awake?- Damn every single thing in this earth.

-Alphonse… He's sleeping…

-Oh… I understand, If h-

-No, he is not sleeping… What's up Al?-Damn you Alphonse.

-Dr. Knox called, he said it was very important and that you should called him back as soon as you woke up- And with that all of us were awake and responsive in a matter of seconds.

It toke a few minutes for Ed and me to be somewhat dressed and then he got the phone to his ear.

-Dr. Knox speaking…

-You calling this early in the morning it better mean that you found the cure for this thing I have.

-Kid! Thank you for getting back to me so quickly, hear me out, this might not be what you were waiting to get call by, but, I need you to come back here immediately, there is a treatment a few of my colleges and I would like to try on you!

—….

-Kid? Are you there?

-Is it good?

-We will explain everythi-

-No Knox, tell me know, Is it good?

-… Not making any promises.

-…

-Kid?  
-Fine, yes, I'm going…

-Excellent! Can we expected you tomorrow?

-The day after… please…

-No problem, but not a day after that…

-Got it…

-Say Hi to Mustang for me…

-How d-

-The better question would be: How not…

-Okay… see you soon Knox…

-Same here kid…

The call was over and the silence became unbearable. Both Alphonse and me were quietly but eagerly expecting for the voice of Edward to make any conjecture, in exchange he just sat there, looking like the wooden floor was the most interesting thing in the world.

-So… What did he say brother?- Edward smiled with a bitter expression.

-I have to be back… in two days- those were not news to me but Alphonse seemed sad enough – And he says Hi to you Roy- Improper as it was that comment made my laugh, if Knox knew that meant that my hold cover had been revealed, there was going to be a lot of explaining to do to a lot of people.

-OK, so you guys are going, there is no questioning about it…

-I know Al, Calm down…

-Actually, all of us are going, including Miss Rockbell…- And then a big "what" came flying out of the brothers mouths – I made all the arrangements, Alphonse and miss Rockbell can stay in my house while I'm with you in the hospital – At that moment Edward's face was the definition of disbelieve – You need your brother and your friend with you Ed, we don't know what might happen after this…

Edward didn't do much after hearing my news, he just hugged me, burring his face in my neck and the quickly came back up to kiss me.

-I'm going to tell Winry, she is going to lose it…-And then Alphonse and I were left alone.

-I don't know if I can hug you or if I should… but… thank you- I smiled back at him, trying my hardest to hide the sadness coming up my chest.

-Everything for you to lift the curse you put upon me Alphonse… - He laughs.

-I did tell you to go the hell, didn't I? Well, I apologise, for all that matters now you are part of the family, we are going to need each other… - Part of the family… that felt nice.

The result of my news was expected, both Alphonse and Winry were very pleased with the idea off been with ed during his treatment; a little after the mid day the three of them left for town and I was left alone in the house. That was when I saw it… a letter, address to me.

"Bastard… Roy.

So, here we are, it seems it is the end of the line for this "adventure" I kind of force you to go down to, but to be honest, I think you can admit that we both had a lot of fun, didn't we?

Here is my confession: All of this, all the adventures, the places we went to, every single thing was all for you. And no, this is not false modesty, I really did it all for you and there is a couple reasons why.

One of those is because both of our life's have been so eventful, it seems we can never breath because the very second we left our guards down something hits us in the face, so we always close down, just like you did when Maes died. And the thought of that happening to you again doesn't let me sleep, let alone for the fact that it will be for me.

The second reason is very simple: I love you. I don't think I need to say more.  
I'm sorry I couldn't give you more time, damn it, I'm sorry I couldn't give you for ever, but i guess that immortality is not very "our thing". I just ask that you don't give me oblivion.

I bet that some people in the military most be losing their minds over "the two heroes" and it's even more funny because neither of us ever ask for that title. I just hope that I can stay in the minds of those that I love, the team, my friends, my brother and, of course, you.

I guess is true what they say, you can't choose who you fall in love for, right? That might be just a stupid saying, all that I know is that I fell hard for you and then the cancer came.

All of these comes down to three sentences: Thank you, I love you, I'm sorry.

Edward Elric."

I don't cry, I have never been a crier, I don't like letting people see me in that way but… damn this insolent, imprudent, reckless man, he had me sobbing on my knees on the floor of our room in that house; crying quietly but uncontrollably, left hand in a painful fist. Yes, I was broken again, but hell I was going to let him see me this way.

I left the house and I made my way towards the nearest hill, I'm not exactly sure how but I ended up sitting in front of the tombstone of Trisha Elric and what in the beginning started as a monologue of sorrow finish as a full-blown conversation with a dead woman. My afternoon passed like that, talking to the open space with my eyes lost in some point in the distance.

-You read my letter? – The hours past, by the look of the sky and the presence of Edward I could tell. I could hear his voice but my face did not go in it's direction – Roy?- When he notices my lack of interest on the conversation he was trying to start he just sat by my side and lean on my shoulder – I'm sorry…

-Don't be… I think I needed to read all that…

-Come on, let's leave my mother alone

-Wait…- Now standing up I pull him close to me.

-Roy?

-I don't want to miss you…

-Then don't…

-How?

-You keep moving, don't ever stop, because if you do I will make sure you feel sorry for it- I laugh and with that he lean in to kiss me. We walk back in silence, the sun was going down, the time was running low.

The four of us travelled in the night train, so Ed could start his treatment as early as possible (something that Edward didn't like because he hated slipping in trains), but the most important thing was the surprise waiting in Central station. The entire team plus a few more people were there to receive the Elric brothers and company, it wasn't scandalous but very emotive non the less; sadly we couldn't relax, it was straight to the hospital for the four of us.

Knox and his colleges were waiting patiently to admit Edward, some of them were very well-known others I never heard of in my life, all of them welcome us to a room in the fifth floor and presented their plan as it followed:

-What we want to do is, first, put you through a surgery to remove the tumor, that will be a fairly routine procedure, after this we will start the chemical treatment and that will take a few months. At the end of all we wait, this type of cancers have a way of showing themself if everything we tried didn't work, but with all this we can't promise you that you will live a full life, if everything goes extremely well we are looking at five years, tops, if not your quality of life will go by degrading with every chemical treatment and is your decision and your right to tell us when we should stop trying. If we just do this one treatment then you will get a year, not much more. With all this being said, are you, Edward Elric, willing to start?- And then it was only him, with a decision that time and time again made him reluctant.

Edward smiled and nodded, sure that if everything went wrong (like it always did for him) at least he will go quickly, having done everything that he wanted, having accomplish his promise to his brother, having love and be loved back. The fears were mostly gone, there was steel that little part of him that didn't want to go, the part that came up when Roy hold his hand as the doctors take him to the operating theatre, but with the contact gone he felt sure.

The Fullmetal Alchemist, hero of the people, was no longer uncertain.

* * *

 **Next Chapter is the last one...**


	10. Chapter 10

So... Here we are, the last chapter. Is short, yes I know, but I think is enough.  
A special "Thank you!" to sherryfanfic1999 for the kind messages and, in general, to everyone who give this story a chance, a click.

New things coming soon... if my work and University allow it (I have no life, and it's sad).

As always: **I DON'T OWN FULLMETAL ALCHEMIST.**

* * *

 **And it ended with a speech.**

-So… now you might be wondering what this hold speech is about, what propose does it offer, well the truth is that this is story means absolutely nothing if you don't give it any importance; but if you wish to see it with some light given the current facts then you will see that this little adventure is so much more than just a trip between two people. In those months not only I got to spend some time with the person that I loved for so long but I also learned that we, as people, give so many things for granted. We let the love of others pass by, the help we have received and even we let so many injustice just be, because life is like that, and it is so sad that you only get to notice that with the lost of others. Most of you did not come here to listen to a story, you came to celebrate the life of a man that holds a great importance for this country, some of you knew him, some of you just have a deep sense of respect for him, but regardless of that you should know that during the last months of his life after the treatment he was in peace, he didn't suffer, he took his time to make what he could right and, against any medical prognosis, he lived much more than the time that it was given. I truly believe that only when he felt ready is that he left, no matter what. The short… I'm sorry… brief but eventful life of Edward Elric show us that we must always, and against all odds, live, fight for what we think is right and fair, stand by things that we believe and, above all, never be afraid to take extraordinary actions for those we love the most. Let us stand behind that and with that he will live with us for ever. Thank you very much.

After the words were over many people cried, others just stared, but all of them clapped as Roy Mustang descended from the stage that he was given for the funeral. Alphonse was standing just right be the stairs, next to all the members of his team, and all clapped back at him

-That was beautiful…

-Do you think so? Wasn't to long?

-No… And a truly believe that my brother would have love that little "joke" you pull, very well-placed General.

-I'm a comedic genius, what can I say…

-Are you OK? — For a couple of minutes the man stood silent, looking at his friends around him, and then back at the younger man. Was he OK? To be really honest no, he wasn't, he lost the love of his life just a couple days ago, but just to ease everyone's minds…

-No, I'm sad and hurt, but I will be fine, I have to do right be him.

Here is one true fact about death: Life just keeps going after the lost of a life, no matter why, the world don't stop moving for those who grief and to move along with it is the best that we can do to honour the ones we left behind. Roy, Alphonse and Winry knew that very well. The years ahead will be difficult, or maybe not, it all lay on how we embrace the departure of someone and what we make of it.

Life might end with dead, but stories don't.

* * *

T


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